I was born in the old St. Joseph Hospital in Tampa, FL. I am a fourth generation Tampa native and very proud of that fact.

I am 44 years old now. I have the great fortune to own the title of  “dad”. To me, it is without question the greatest thing I have done in my life.  I still work for an Internet Company that owns and operates many very popular web destinations.  I am blessed with a terrific family and the type of friends that most people wish they had.

Most people who I haven’t seen in a while ask me two or three questions which brings them up to speed. Let me elaborate.

Stats: Married, with a 7 year old son, Jack. My mom, dad and sister still live in Temple Terrace.

Soccer: Haven’t played but plan to start playing again once I drop 15 pounds and am convinced that I will not embarrass myself by expiring on a field.  I have been coaching my son’s team for the past two years.  I really missed the game.  I am glad Jack has interest in sports, especially playing tennis and soccer.

Music: No, I rarely play guitar these days, but I never was really that good anyway. Dave is the man.

Likes: women in uniform, bar-b-que, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, DMB, and knowing that if I do a really good job – I will enjoy a firm congratulatory slap on the butt. Nice job!

Dislikes: missing the quality television programming that occurs when I am working

I am best known for: My fast food tirades. (Why is it I can find the only fast food chain within 100 miles that has a broken milk shake machine?)

Most comical phobia: Public restrooms (I can’t seem to find my comfort zone.)

People often say I remind them of: Matt Lauer ( I don\’t see it, but….. )

Worst thing I ever paid good money for: the Circus (Clowns scare me.)

People would be surprised to know that I: rarely wear underwear and when I do it’s something unusual (and even then I prefer a low-rise bikini…mesh if possible).

Celebrity Dream Date: Does Jessica Rabbit count?

Favorite Holiday: Festivus

Least ideal vacation spot: Walt Disney World (I can’t get that “Small World” song out of my head)

Favorite word: MORON

Least favorite word: MORON

If I had a time machine, here’s where I’d go: 5 years in the future so I could enjoy uncommon wealth immediately instead of waiting

Ultimate goal in life: looking good in a speedo.

Lastly, sum yourself up in a haiku (or something resembling a haiku):

Shackled and chained
By my own inefficiencies
I can’t finish this….